"Help me rediscover You."

You told me
Look for You, and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

Starfield - Rediscover You

Fatigued, shaky, tired, nauseated, peculiarly COLD.. I'm not feeling too well, and it's definitely not a good way to end the day. But before I sleep it off, I'll treat myself to a cup of hot tea and write this post.

I was listening to some music on my laptop and suddenly reminded of Starfield's most recent album, The Saving One. I randomly searched for a song from the record, and ended up clicking on the second track, "Rediscover You". Coincidental? I don't think so.

Before you go on to read, let me tell you that my posts are honest. I'm not the kind of person who conceals the bad and shows off only the good side of me. I want my readers to know that I'm human - I go through what everyone else does. I am perfectly imperfect - I make foolish mistakes 99% of the time. When I write about my struggles, it's not because I'm trying to discourage, but I believe in my faith and God's power that never fails to bring me back up when I subconsciously trip on my own stumbling feet. I'm not taking advantage of God's abundant mercy, but I try my best to learn from the wrongs I've done.

It's been a while since I wrote something personal about my life, but I thought it would be necessary to include a bit of that in today's particular blog post. For the past several months, I've been distant from God. I've not only refrained from communicating on a regular basis, I've also been distancing myself from Him.. a little farther everyday. My devotion rituals are suffering in constant neglect, my prayers have been empty words without heart and much thought, and my idle participation during church is simply becoming nugatory out of an obligation I must fulfill. I'm not lying to you when I say that my spiritual life is falling apart. Truthfully, who has been able to maintain that high level of spirituality at all times under all circumstances, granted that nobody - except God - holds that status of perfection?

I'm supposed to be preparing myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for my upcoming mission trip. How will I face the bigger challenges that have yet to come if I don't start getting myself ready from now? It's a shame, really. I have agreed to share my spiritual testimony, but with me in my current situation, I'd be a hypocrite if I were to talk.

But the beauty of it lies in the fact what whenever I fall into this state, God always somehow finds a way to bring me back to Him. You're thinking.. "cliche", but it's true. For those who have experienced this, you know what I mean and gotta admit that. I'm saying this because His timing never misses. As of now, absurd problems are beginning to arise in my life and I'm becoming more fearless and less afraid of serious consequences, in addition to the difficulty of setting aside time to be silent in a dialogue with The One. His face is getting blurry in my mind, my heart is turning cold, and I'm slowly losing the direction to His presence.

"Revive me, Jesus. Make this cold heart start to move. Help me rediscover You."

I need motivation. I need some energy boost. I'm craving the fire that will help to melt my heart and keep it ever burning once again. I haven't lost Him; it's not too late. God will never abandon and relent from those He loves most - us. I will return to the track, go back on the road, and ask for His help to reunite me with His Glory.

Jesus, I pray for revival. Set this heart on fire to break the ice that's creating a barrier between us. I want to return to Your love and grace.

Love always,

Hazel